And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
3 2 1 whiskey
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
