Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
