im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
