P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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