I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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