If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How many fucks given?
0.12846
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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