i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
