One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
