i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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