i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my liver is dry heaving
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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