Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
