she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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