i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ok first of all what the fuck
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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