I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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