Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
