I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
