Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
