Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
