do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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