I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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