don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
