I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
