i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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