I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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