Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
