omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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