four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
