He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
