Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
