youre lurking in front of me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
