I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
