so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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