did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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