I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
