She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They have beer where we have blood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
