gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
