i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
