Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
