So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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