Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
