she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
