Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
