have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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