i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
