she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
