The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
