I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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