Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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