just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
