operation harelip BJ is a go
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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