There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
