Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
