apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
