I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
