I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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