6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize