I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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