i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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