you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
