Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
