good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My dick has a subreddit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
