The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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