I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
