I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
