i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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