happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
