Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
