Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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