i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
