drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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