I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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