I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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