Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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