trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
