: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
