No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
