"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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