I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
