Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I understand Curling. That high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
