Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
