So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
